If you are Indian, please read

As a Sri Lankan, I have never felt confident enough in my own culture to express its beauty outside my home. I am now incredibly fucking grateful that I come from a miserable little war-torn country. My people and I have been saved the embarassment of the following:

1. Using my local language with clients: "teek hai", "accha", "bol", "bahenchod", "chal", "choothiya", "haan" and so on are not really part of the trading floor vocabulary. Not because they are casual usage of Hindi...but rather because...THEY ARE FUCKING HINDI WORDS....and noone understands them.

2. Dress in head to toe in polyester: Your dad may own the world's largest rayon plant, but that is no excuse to wear it in to work. You know what else is made of rayon, industrial strength rope, find some and hang yourself with it.

3. Wear platform shoes (guys and girls): Guys, if you are short fuck and you know it..clap your hands. Girls, you gave up prostitution in Calcutta for this internship, haven't you read your contract?...you cant do other work while employed at the bank.

4. Getting the sock issue very fucking wrong, mindbendingly, my-god-look-at-your-feet, wrong: GIRLS...YOU...SHOULD..NEVER...FUCKING...BE....WEARING...SOCKS..INTO..WORK...i hope that was clear. Guys, white socks with work shoes, just make you seem like you borrowed those shoes from your dad. Which you probably did, but no need to advertise.

5. Sitting together in the pantry at lunch sharing 3 dozen rotis, a meat dish and 10 veg curries: This is not fucking Ananda Bhavan or wherever it is you pig out on campus in Ahemabad. You will eat at your fucking desk like everyone and you will eat the same fucking white-boy sandwiches that everyone else eats.

Now, dear Indian readers, say "yes, I understand I have been wrong".

NO, no, dont you give me that fucking "haan...teek hai". Sigh.